You may feel that you can’t do the No Contact Rule or LC if you are still living with the person. You may feel the same way about yourself. To go full No Contact Rule, you will need a Get Out Plan.
A Get Out Plan is a coordinated effort to help you end the relationship and prepare for ending contact. This is a great option if you have things to tie up, if you’ve been off the track before, or if you are dealing with someone who is very aggressive and will pursue you relentlessly. Extra controlling types who want to know your whereabouts every hour of the week, or who are adamant that you’re with someone else, will try to make you feel upset and/or dump you. You can use a Get Out Plan to take time to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Instead of panicking and jerking out, it allows you to be prepared to deal with the situation. They’re especially useful for people who can’t see beyond the immediate or are prone to second-guessing themselves. Flip-flappers (you and them) love to Get Out Plans. It’s almost like slowly weaning off drugs or cigarettes. It won’t seem like as big a leap when you finally make it.
Before you implement this plan, there are two important questions that you should ask.
- Are you willing to end the relationship? Or are you looking to buy time so that you can stay invested and try to change the person?
- How much worse can you be treated? Or how much drama would you like to get into before you’re done?
A Get Out Plan might not be right for you if you aren’t sure if you want to end your relationship. Be careful not to get sucked into further drama or be mistreated. There must be a point where you can stop being manipulated. You’ll notice that when you take a step back, your perspective and objectivity will allow you to see the bigger picture and you will be able to see the real motivation to make and keep the break.
Set a deadline
It shouldn’t be a fake deadline that you promise to move in order to get more time. It should be challenging, but realistic. Don’t make it too long that it becomes a joke. But don’t make the deadline so short that it makes you panic and make you reschedule.
For long-term relationships, it shouldn’t take more than 6 months to 1 year. Ideally, it should only last 1 to 3 months. You could aim for a three-year plan, but the Get Out Plan is about a concentrated effort. The longer the plan, the more likely you are to deviate from the course. Because you can’t rely on your emotional readiness to get out, you will never be ready. You need to concentrate on the actions and habits that will help you to increase your willingness to go and support you emotionally.
Be careful not to let your ex or soon-to-be ex get away with abuse. It doesn’t mean that they are perfect. It is important to be realistic about your situation and not rely on the hope that they will change or you won’t have to do anything.
Or, choose the Next Big Thing
For those who find it difficult to set a date, you can go with the Next Big (Shitty), Thing that Happens. It could happen next week or tomorrow, the only problem is that it may. It is common to have an idea of what they might pull, or our personal level of upset. You can use this information to help you make your decision. I promised that he would not pick an argument with me again or make me feel insignificant the next time he did. Do not let him get away with his agreement. This will cause distrust and weaken any remaining confidence.
Believe in someone
Because of the feeling of accountability, it is widely recognized that sharing goals and plans with others can be a motivator. It can be tempting to keep it secret, but if you change your mind, no one will know and it won’t affect how much you stick around for. If you are stuck in your emotions and keeping your pain and experience a secret, it is not possible to sanity-check your decisions or get the support you need. You can tell a friend, family member, or co-worker the deadline to ensure that you adhere to it. You can also talk to a therapist or counselor about your situation.
If you are in an abusive relationship, it is especially important to confide in another person. You might worry about being judged or that nobody will believe you. However, this is not often the case. Many victims of abuse find it extremely helpful to speak to their coworkers. For example, if they try to see a professional, suspicion might be raised. However, a coworker will not be suspect.
Slowly adapt your habits slowly
This is the secret to everything – gradually withdrawing and adapting your routine is key. Distance gives you objectivity, which allows you to see the person and your relationship more objectively. It also means that the end of the relationship is less painful than having to break off from old habits. What is this?
Say “Yes” Less
It’s a great time to spend at least a week just looking at what you say and do on a daily basis. It may surprise you to find out how few times you say no, and how often your needs, expectations, and wishes are being ignored in favor of what you believe people want to hear. You won’t get out of the relationship if you say yes every time. It will not lead to a healthy romantic relationship.
Other plans can be made when you’re not available. It is liberating to say no, rather than accept it as a default. Even if it’s not your intention to make plans or stay home, you shouldn’t refuse any invitation to go out. You can reduce the time you spend together by dropping one meetup per week if you have a 3-month plan.
Instead of causing shock to yourself and others by saying no to all things, build your confidence slowly. Start small and work your way up.
Don’t take every call
People who answer every call in drama-ridden relationships are usually available 24/7. It’s time to stop it. Let’s suppose you normally speak five times per day. Now, it is possible to drop to four and then three. You can expect them to become angry, irritated, or even hot when you do this. But they won’t pay any attention. Do not explain that you are reducing your calls. Just say that you are busy with work, a friend or whatever else – make up anything if necessary! You can even tell them about your increased workload and line them up for the lower calls. If they call you from your home, unplug it.
Refuse to reply to messages and emails
Double or triple your usual response time, or don’t bother responding at all, no matter what it is. If they send you a text the night prior, it is a great idea to reply in the morning. Even if your thumbs were a bit twiddly, it makes you appear busy.
Reduce late-night calls
Many smartphones have a “Do Not Disturb” setting that allows you to stop receiving notifications and ringtones after a set time.
Stop engaging
You can gradually distance yourself from them, but they might react to your sudden change and start to fight back or question you about what you did. Do not. Do not. Engage. Don’t explain. They will be completely taken aback. You can do all the things you normally do and still create drama. Tape your mouth and sit down.
Pay closer attention
Do not take what they have to say as fact or fall for lustful behavior. Instead, pay more attention to their actions and listen closely to what they are saying. Also, observe how your behavior changes around them. This will help you see the effect on the dynamic. Keep a Feelings diary, which basically tracks your moods and any changes in them. These are useful for identifying cues, triggers, and typical responses.
Get ready for sex!
Although I love getting laid, sex can cloud judgment and put you in the Justifying Zone. This is where we go when we continue to invest because we are sexually/emotionally invested but don’t want people to think we have made a bad decision. You may believe that all the happy hormones floating around is a reason for you to stay. You will be less likely to seduce them if you see them less.
Alcohol should be avoided
You should not get too drunk or if you feel like your passion or drama is being fuelled by alcohol, then it’s time for you to reduce the amount of alcohol so that you don’t get distracted.
Enjoy more time with your friends and family
It is possible to learn to love yourself, and spend time alone, which can be one of the most rewarding things you can do.
Find meaning in your life and embrace your family and friends. Or, find activities that allow you to meet new people.
These relationships may have suffered from your involvement. Take some of the time to start repairing them. You don’t have to be alone. Even though it may hurt to admit your mistakes, it won’t stop you from being part of this relationship. You can always return to these relationships if you don’t feel capable. Check out Meetup.com.
It is possible that you end up starting the No Contact Rule fully before your deadline. The great thing about withdrawing from a cycle is that you can see the problems and how you feel. One reader told me that she had planned to take three months off her No Contact Rule plan. She realized how absurd this was after she made a shift in her behavior.
Listen to your body while you are doing the Get Out Plan. Take note of what you are feeling stressed about, where you feel panicked, and when you feel happy and why.
If you find yourself distracted from the goal of the No Contact Rule, assess what you are afraid of. This will help you determine if it is a fear about what is actually happening, or if it is an irrational to fear. Also, compare what you know about your relationship with this person to see if it is rational. You can use the internet and local resources to find help if there are any areas you are having trouble with. This is a time to commit to your plan and get ready to jump. You can continue to validate what you are doing and remind yourself why you made this decision. This is possible.
