You can just stop.
You should immediately stop all contact with your ex if the breakup happened in recent times. This includes phone calls, text messages, emails, and social media.
For the next 90-days, do not contact her nor look at any photos or videos she has taken.
If you share the same social circle or work together, you should try to minimize or eliminate contact.
I would not recommend that you try to become friends with your ex in less than 90 days. It’s still too emotional and will only cause more pain and prolong your recovery.
Prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical health before you even consider talking to your ex.
It only makes it more difficult for you; each time you contact her, it’s almost like putting salt on an open wound. Although the wound is healing, you keep opening it up every time you try to contact her or look at old photos and videos.
You can start the healing process now by putting an end to all contact with her.
You Want Her Back
The only thing that we can think about after a breakup is “How to get her back?”
This is actually more scientific than we usually think.
Let me introduce you to the term “Homeostasis”.
Your mind becomes used to normalcy, complacency, and this is why you want her back so much.
It is a shock when you suddenly make a change in your life.
This homeostasis is influenced in large part by relationships. Breakups can shock the whole system.
Your head is spinning and you don’t know what to do. Your brain wants to be with that person again, to restore normalcy and rebuild your homeostasis.
You may think it is over but there are still chances of you getting back together. It was a time when you shared intimate and vulnerable moments together. She can’t ignore this, right?
She is an ex for good reason.
The relationship didn’t work.
Even though you shared intimate moments, it wasn’t enough to end the friction between you.
The pain of ending a relationship was greater than the pain of trying to keep it together and making it last longer.
Your relationship is not sustainable.
You tried and she tried to make the relationship last for as long as possible.
If you don’t end the relationship now, you will eventually do so in the future, when more is at stake (children and finances).
This is a way to save time, money, and energy by not being together.
It hurts me to be so blunt, but I am aware of your current situation. However, you must understand that time spent with someone you don’t want to be with is time away from someone you should be with.
You must move out of a home you love and have lived in.
You can be thankful for the split, and you are free to live the life you deserve.
This is not a feeling that only she can give you.
You will experience true passion again and life can get better.
Accepting that the relationship is over
Do not ask “Why?” What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong to deserve this?
Don’t blame yourself.
It is impossible to know why someone does something.
These questions will not help you, so stop asking them over and over. You will be in an endless loop and experience more confusion if you continue to question yourself.
You can make up stories in your head.
What if I had done it differently?
What if I had said that?
What was it that she did when she did this?
Are we still friends?
I need closure.
All I need is to make sense of it all.
I have one last thing for her.
I want to be there for her if she wishes to get back together.
I’m really horny, and I want my girl back.
All of these thoughts and questions are not going to help. You will continue to live in pain if you keep creating stories about “what if” scenarios in your head.
Instead of living a full life, some guys spend years reliving and reliving past experiences with their ex.
Sometimes a happy ending does not have to involve the girl. Sometimes, it’s you and your journey forward.
Are you able to see that breaking up allows you to become something greater?
You can move on to becoming the strongest version of yourself.
It’s not a bad spot to be.
Stop fighting for her, even if she’s not fighting for you. Instead, fight for yourself!
Remember how amazing you are. Your happiness cannot be placed in the hands of someone else. It is your chance to regain your freedom and happiness.
It is up to you to decide that you want to go on. It won’t happen by simply reading this. But you can start moving mentally and physically in that direction.
You must stand up and say, “I don’t care how difficult this will be, but this won’t get me down.” I will move on with my own life. Your potential is limitless. So go ahead and live the life you want.
3 Daily Affirmations to Regain Your Power
These 3 affirmations are loud enough to help you regain control of your life.
- No woman can compare me to the man I am.
- No woman can alter my masculinity.
- My amazing smile is unmatched by any woman on the planet.
You feel broken inside after a split. You felt that you were not “man enough” to be her man. This is something all women feel.
You can somehow associate your ex with all women, but you still have to admit that you are flawed.
It’s easy to believe that there is something missing from your life.
You begin to believe everything your ex said about you at the end is true.
You might have made mistakes, but they are not your fault.
As a human being, you are constantly learning and growing.
A woman can’t define her self-worth and worthiness as a man. Reciting the affirmations above daily will help you keep your inner state in control.
You were going to lose her in either direction
You were going to lose her no matter what you tried or could do differently. There is nothing you can change.
- She will die.
- You will die.
Take a moment to think about it.
It is important to accept the fact that relationships won’t last forever.
They come to an end, either intentionally or unintentionally.
You can either get sick and then die in ten years or get into an accident and be dead three months later. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a terrible death. Natural causes are possible, which is what everyone will experience at one point or another.
The moment you first laid eyes on one another and began to kiss, the pain of losing was there.
This is the compromise we often overlook when we fall in love.
It was inevitable that you would feel the same pain no matter what. But instead of being five, ten, or twenty years from now, you’re feeling it right now.
The breakup is actually good for you because you and no one else died.
The world is at your fingertips.
Now you have the freedom to be with someone else again and to live a more fulfilling life.
Accept the fact that you will experience pain now, regardless of what.
All relationships that are “perfect” will eventually end.
Losing someone you love is not something that happens alone.
You did nothing wrong.
It is a fact of life that someone will eventually die.
Be happy about the ending of your relationship and enjoy the wonderful memories you shared together.
These lessons can be applied to your life and your next relationship to make it even more wonderful.
Handling Social Media After A Break-Up
I can understand why you are upset and possibly pissed off. This is something I have done in the past and I want you to avoid it. The role of social media in our lives is important today. Here’s how you can avoid regretting using social media after a split.
Switch your social media profile to “In a Relationship” after a split. You shouldn’t put “Single” on your social media profile. This is a rude gesture to your ex, and it’s a way of showing the world that you are trying to rebound. You don’t have to tell your social media friends about the current status of your relationship.
You don’t have to unfriend her or unfollow them. Instead, you should have a way to “hide” posts from her so that she doesn’t have to be followed or kept up to date with all her activities.
Stalking her and her friends via social media will make you insane, cause more pain, and slow down the healing process.
Do the same for her friends, so you don’t get their updates on a daily basis.
It’s difficult to accept that she is not a part of your life anymore.
Take control of your pain
Let yourself grieve and feel the pain of the breakup. Let your emotions flow, dammit!
Men have a problem: We tend to keep our emotions inside, and pretend they will go away by themselves. Men often mistakenly believe that feeling emotions is a sign of weakness. However, you may be in great pain due to the loss of your partner. Instead of trying to ignore or push it away, you must accept the loss and accept the pain.
You can ignore the pain and prolong healing. It will also haunt you for years if you don’t address your emotions.
This strategy will help you face the pain head-on.
- Allow 2 hours of mourning for the first week after the breakup.
- Allow 1 hour of mourning per day for the 2nd week after the breakup.
- Allow 30 minutes each day for mourning during the third week of separation.
- Allow 20 minutes each day for mourning in the fourth week of disintegration
- Allow 10 minutes each day of mourning after 4-8 weeks of separation.
- Allow 5 minutes to a maximum of 16 weeks for the breakup.
- 16+ weeks of the breakup, allow 1 minute each day.
*The length of your relationship will affect how long you spend together. If necessary, add more time.
Allow yourself to fully experience the breakup for the duration of the relationship. Don’t be afraid to let your emotions out. It is not wrong to feel your emotions. Unfortunately, too many men keep the pain of a breakup in their heads instead of experiencing it. This only slows down the healing process.
After the time limit expires, you can stop and pick yourself up again. Then, go on with your day. You must be able to get up from the floor and not just lie there in pain the whole day.
This is to make sure that the breakup doesn’t dominate your thoughts for 24 hours. Instead, acknowledge that you are still recovering from the breakup and that you will take your time to heal.
You may find that you no longer need the allotted time and that it is a bother to give your ex more time.
This indicates that you are making progress and your ex is less involved in your life.
It could happen again in the future, so you can simply re-evaluate this strategy until her thoughts diminish slowly.
This strategy will allow you to get rid of the pain faster than dragging it out for years.
The 5 Stages Of Grief
Let’s look at the five stages of grief and how they relate to the breakup.
- Negating the event and isolating oneself. Making up stories about how things were better and focusing on the positive memories. This can lead to a lot of emotional distress.
- Anger phase: When reality hits, you realize that the person you have been closest to is not going to be there anymore. This phase is usually at night and often leads to alcohol abuse or drug abuse. It is best for men to channel their anger in a healthy and positive way during this phase. You will feel more depressed if you combine the pain of a breakup with drugs and alcohol.
- Bargaining. Negotiating, threats, changing, making changes, and promising to be better. This is when the man becomes too dependent and clingy which drives the woman away. This type of bargaining mentality is prevented by “no contact”.
- Situational depression is when you are stuck in bed staring at a wall for hours, days or weeks. Accepting that this is part of the healing process will help you function better than if your focus is on the despair you feel.
- Acceptance: Finding peace with the loss and moving on. Acceptance: Being at peace with your loss and accepting that it was necessary. Let go of the past and move on to a new chapter in your life. Although you may still be sad, you are now free to move on and let go of any possibility of your ex getting back together.
Which stage of your divorce are you currently at?
Can you see the phases changing with time?
Understanding the phase in which you are at the moment will allow you to understand the reasons you feel the way you do. This will enable you to accept the current state of your emotions and not resist it.
Instead of ignoring the pain, feel it and be present to it.
It is not about fighting emotions. Accepting them and embracing them will help you heal from any pain. And with time, this too will pass.
While many things can be fixed in this life, relationships between people are often not.
The other person is already on a ship that is setting sail. You can’t be together anymore because you aren’t meant to be together anymore.
Understanding the Biology Behind a Breakup
In the 21st Century, where billions of people live together, the human brain wasn’t designed to survive. It makes sense that if one person dies, the other one may also die. This would make it so that they would not be able to survive for long periods of time, if not their entire lives.
A woman can give a man everything he needs, including the ability to have children, care for them, and love and connection.
This was a dangerous situation for a man who lost his wife suddenly. Today, however, there are billions upon billions of females in the world. There are currently millions of women all around you, so you have endless options for finding what you need.
Our brains aren’t as advanced as our times, so we still feel the same emotions that we might not be able to survive or get through life after a breakup.
It is important to distinguish between reality and what our primal brain feels.
You can find another woman and you will love her again.
It’s going to be OK. In fact, this guide will help you to survive the breakup.
The male mind wants to reproduce with another woman. To make you happy, connected, and attached to another female during sexual moments, your brain releases chemicals such as serotonin or vasopressin. Your brain wants to keep you connected with that female so you can procreate.
Your body is sending chemicals to your brain telling you to stay with the woman. Your brain knows that your chances of having a child are higher if you stay with a woman for a longer time. This is exactly what your brain wants.
You are genetically wired to desire sex in order to eventually procreate.
You are therefore actually under the influence (made in your brain) of drugs to keep you connected with a woman. This is what we call “love” today. It can drive you to make bad decisions and sacrifice your needs to continue receiving “love chemicals.”
A man experiencing a breakup is also experiencing a withdrawal from love chemicals such as serotonin or vasopressin. This is similar to what drug addicts experience when they try to get sober.
Both are in great pain and will do whatever it takes to get the drugs they need to feel better.
After a breakup, it is not always the woman you want back but the chemicals you miss. Although you may not want her back, you have developed an addiction to the chemicals your brain releases when you spend time with her.
This is why it is important to understand that these chemicals can be obtained from another woman.
If you have recently broken up with someone, you should stay single for at most 6 months. However, you need to realize that you are not the only woman who can make you feel that way.
It’s often not her. In most cases, it’s the chemicals you want. Many women can also make you feel those chemicals.
Trust me when you say that you will find another woman to love and be loved again.
Your ex-girlfriend has moved on
After a breakup, one of the most difficult thoughts for a man is to think about his ex with another man.
This can be the hardest part of a split, especially if it seems that she has moved on faster than you.
She appears to be happy going out with friends and has photos of herself with other men on social networks.
It is more of a strike against your ego than anything else.
This can frustrate or motivate men to harm themselves, their women, or other people.
This energy must be stopped and controlled.
Accept that she will be out having fun and dating other men.
Do not react to her behavior by forcing yourself to have sex with other women.
Start dating when you come from a place where there is abundance, not scarcity.
Although you may not be ready, it is a sign that you are ready to let go of your relationship.
Men can get angry at the thought of their ex moving on quickly. In a later section, I will share how this is a good thing and how you can make this anger work for your benefit.
Clarity is Key
You should be alone in nature without any technology. I recommend that you bring a pen and paper so you can think through the breakup. Spend at least an hour outside writing.
The top five reasons for the split are listed below. Next, you will need to take out 2 of these reasons so you have only the top 3.
Write down 10 things about her that you like, and 10 things about her that you don’t like.
This is a sign that you are not able to list 10 things you like about her. However, you might find it difficult to list 10 things you love about her.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Are her efforts worth it?
- Did she make you a better man by making you feel special?
- Did she reflect your values?
- Did it have to do with sex?
- Are you willing to suffer for her?
- Did I settle with this woman?
- Can I do better?
- Are you afraid I won’t find someone else?
Now think of 10 women you have had a crush on. Imagine all these women dressed up and looking at you.
Would you be willing to walk up to your ex-partner?
What can you conclude about the dissolution of the union after answering all the above questions?
These questions will help you to get a better understanding of your life in the past few months. If you answered no to many of these questions, it may be a sign that she is not compatible with your long-term goals.
What is the average time it takes to get over a breakup?
There is no perfect formula. However, it is possible to take half of the time.
Give yourself six months if it was a one-year relationship.
It can take up to 2 years for a 5-year relationship to heal completely.
Every relationship is unique and will experience different levels of love and connection. You must allow yourself to heal fully and to grieve the loss of a loved person.
You will be able to love again and fully recover. It will take some time.
This is the sign that you should not kill yourself.
Your unique talents, skills, and creativity are needed around the world. You have the potential to make a difference in the world.
Sometimes, all it takes to keep fighting is a sign to let you know someone cares.
Although suicide doesn’t eliminate the possibility of your life becoming worse, it does remove the entire possibility that you will live a happier life.
Even though you feel like you are in terrible pain, don’t lose heart and give up on your life. You may feel as though you’re in a terrible nightmare, and you feel hopeless. But keep fighting for the next day.
You can build inner strength, courage, and resilience by never giving up on yourself.
You’re here for a reason, and ending your life is not the way to success.
Stop contemplating suicide and make a commitment to living a happier life.
You are right here.
You and I.
I understand that you don’t want to die. You just want the pain to stop.
Let me show you how I do it.
*If you need someone to talk to immediately, then please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org