While there have been many news headlines that caught my attention over time, one that will stay with me forever is Lisa Nowak, the former astronaut from NASA. Not as a notorious female astronaut with a kick, but as the woman who drove more than 900 miles wearing an adult diaper to avoid stopping for toilet breaks on her way to kidnap ex-boyfriends and a new girlfriend. What the hell? Do you suppose she was expecting a reconciliation?
Stop plotting your revenge any way you can. You must face the hard facts of reality. It doesn’t really mean forever. Every day brings new challenges to relationships. It’s also true that when one door closes it opens up to another.
You will never be happy or get closure if you break up. You must accept the fact that unless you end the breakup on your terms, any future breakups will be painful and heartbreaking.
Grace Kelly was a dignified woman. I have seen Grace Kelly’s women lose their love for men. The girl who won’t give up or let go is probably you. You probably have at least one friend who has lost her mind after a breakup. Perhaps you were that girl. All of us have had our pathetic moments.
Let me start by describing the lengths that the most responsible women will go to to get attention after a breakup. You should not do anything unusual if you notice yourself.
It is possible to recall the expression, “Idle hands make the devil’s workshop” as a saying. This applies even if you obsess about Mr. Ex. To avoid allowing your emotions to take over your logic and make you do anything dangerous, keep your mind and body busy. Consider the future. What will Mr. Ex say about you as he eats dinner with his friends? Are you the crazy girl who won’t leave? Or will you regret losing him?
Let’s take a look at some of these drastic actions women will take after a breakup to attract attention. You can promise yourself that you won’t be “that” girl.
You send endless texts messages
You want your ex to feel the same way and understand how much you are in pain. He should know that you love him unconditionally and understand how much you hurt. This information will make him feel that he will return to you if you tell him. But you’re wrong! You’re only sending Mr. Ex a message that you’re going a little crazy. He’s consuming it all. He is staring at his phone as it explodes and thinks, “I can’t believe she’s falling apart like that.” You are feeding his super-sized ego. It’s a known fact that men and women live within three feet of their mobile phones. He got your message! It is a good rule of thumb to remember that if you receive no reply to a text message, then you should not send another one. Ask yourself the question, “What good does a text message do anyway?” Real relationships demand face-to-face interactions during conflicts. Text messages are not for teenagers.
The Accidental Text
The Accidental Text. He did not accidentally send a text message to him, but he later claimed it was for his best friends-brother and sisters-cousins. Nothing. Silence.
You should let Mr. Ex know before you call him. He will give you the option to ignore his calls. You’ll likely let your emotions run wild if he answers the phone. Trust me, it won’t be productive or good for you to have a heated conversation. You are more likely to make mistakes when you’re feeling emotional stress. Mr. Ex won’t have anything to offer that will give you the closure you seek. It’s going to tear your heart out again if he doesn’t return your calls. Do not call him by mistake. You can’t dial his number.
Pleading/begging Mr. Ex for your return
Would you want to be with a man who cried, begged, and pleaded for your love? It wasn’t my idea. He would be seen as desperate and pathetic. If you don’t invite him to your home, you are portraying him as desperate and pathetic. Remember to think long-term, not just about short-term satisfaction. You want to be the woman he dreams of and I can tell you that the woman he dreams of isn’t one who is chaotic.
Calling, blocking, and then hanging up
Mr. Ex knows that you are calling. It’s not your fault! You should not attempt to contact him. It is creepy and falls under harassment.
Driving by his house
Driving by his house is not allowed unless you live next to him. This falls under stalker/harassing behavior. This is a big turnoff for most people and illegal.
Going to places where you are certain he will be
You can’t do anything if you don’t work together, but you should avoid him at all costs. You should not be frequenting the same places. Find another one. You need to be sparse right now. The same applies if you have children. You should deal with the issue in a calm and mature manner.
No desperately seeking closure emails. No “Hi, How are you?” No sending him an email wishing him a Happy Christmas, Happy New Year, or Happy Birthday. You won’t hear a peep.
Let him know that you are falling apart
If a woman confesses that she can’t live without him, he won’t give her back. You won’t be the exception to this “desperation” cry. Be proud and realize that a woman who is independent, self-sufficient, and attractive to men is one who is attractive.
Cursing and telling him that he won’t find anyone better
It’s not pretty. He’ll try to find someone better if you do this. You’re just showing your arse. Think long-term. Remember what made him fall for you and be that woman.
This one is hard and requires a lot of self-control. Why? It’s right there… at your manicured fingertips! It doesn’t matter what your ex does. Ask yourself if it is really worth knowing about the new girls he follows and his friends. This will only make things worse and drive you crazy. Block him. You can delete him. You can do whatever you want, but don’t get too obsessed with his social media activity.
Dealing with family and friends
Even if you have the same friends, it is okay to remain close friends. Just remember that they are also your friends. Talk to them briefly and then move on. Don’t slander Mr. Ex. You should not even mention his name. If they mention him in conversation, you should only respond with something positive about him. Don’t let your emotions get out of control. You shouldn’t let this breakup bring you down. Give a show that Glenn Close would envy.
Attempting to make Mr. Ex jealous
Mr. Ex will see any attempts to make him jealous as the desperate-attention-seeking methods they truly are. This isn’t the right time and he won’t find it appealing. Do not try to get him off your back. Instead, enjoy your life and move on. Do not pretend to have a full life, you actually live a full one.
Social Media Sites are not the place to be desperate
Take a look at the content you have posted during the two previous months before the breakup. Those are the posts you should keep posting. You don’t need to post anything unusual that could make you seem desperate for attention. Keep it simple and post what you would normally do. You should not post sad or depressing messages of love. Friends don’t want you to feel depressed on social networking sites. Do not check in to every nightclub. Keep being the kind of woman he fell for. You will look terrible if you try to grab his attention at this time.
There is no ex-sex
Everyone would be happily married if sex was the glue that held relationships together. He didn’t break up with you because of sex, and sex did not keep him close to you. Sex isn’t going to make him return to you. It doesn’t matter how sad he is or how many times he says he misses your company. Monogamy is the only way to have sex. It’s safe for you to assume that he has ended their monogamous relationship. He must prove his love to you in order to have sex again.
Imagine how he will be annoyed by you constantly calling and texting him, or even accidentally bumping into you. He’ll be mortified and will mentally label you ‘crazy.
A friendly, harmless text message to Mr. Ex to remind him that you are still out there in the world may be a good idea. It might even bring back all those warm fuzzy feelings you shared. I can assure you, Mr. Ex knows exactly where you are and how you got there. You don’t need to remind him. And if he does, what do you want?
There is nothing that can keep a man from his woman of love. You have the same communication channels as him. He still has your phone number. You shouldn’t believe that sending him a useless text message will make him run in your direction.
It is possible that you are still looking for Mr. Ex even though the relationship ended. In an effort to save the relationship, you may seek closure. This is very common after the breakup. Mr. Ex may have begun to withdraw emotionally. It’s possible that he stopped initiating calls and texts, or stopped planning ahead. You may have accidentally shifted to the pursuer mode when this happens. It can be quite annoying.
It is possible that you began chasing him after he stopped giving you the attention you wanted. You may be calling, texting, or emailing him to make arrangements for a date night or to just see him. Modern society often forgets that it is a man’s responsibility to do all he can to make us happy. It’s not the other way around. A man who loves you will want to be with you. He’ll know when to call and plan dinner dates.
This list could go on. Every action you take is viewed as desperation or neediness and will be used to massage his ego. The moment you compromise for the sake of massaging another man’s ego it’s over.
Your job is to demonstrate that you can live without him. You might be amazed at how quickly he will come looking for you if you show him that you don’t depend on him. Make sure you leave with dignity, class, and pride intact.