Sometimes, a person can become desperate when they feel out of control and use something they know works or try it for the very first time. Due to your response, they continue to use these methods to control your agenda – threats. You cannot make them responsible, regardless of whether they threaten to harm you or yourself or to cause retribution. You will find yourself in a similar situation next to your partner.
If you are a victim absorber or fixer, threats can do a “wonderful” job of getting you to comply.
There is no simple way to handle suicide threats or self-harm. I can only tell you that hundreds of No Contact Rule people have been panicked by ex-partners’ claims that they are on the brink of doing something. Either they were worried about the past of the person or scared by it being out of character. It is easy to add two or more and conclude that your ex has suffered serious mental and emotional harm.
It happens, regardless of whether the situation is a common one or not, and most people respond to it. However, they often discover that the person is far from serious, and claims to have ‘forgotten about the incident or worse, that the concerned ex is being melodramatic. There is always the possibility that the person is serious, but you must be careful about what you do next. It is not possible to opt back into the relationship in order to avoid the threat. This immediately makes the relationship unhealthy and codependent. You can either help each other or make it clear that you are not able to manipulate.
You cannot let them harm you or themselves.
- Call the emergency services if you believe they are threatening suicide or self-harm. You may think you are equipped to handle the situation. Even if it were possible to calm them down, this is not the case. These are real threats that require professional attention. You could endanger yourself by trying to solve their problem.
- Be prepared to see them if you decide to go. You can be upsetting but you should just let it go and get back to your family.
- It is best to contact a friend or family member if this has happened in the past. This can be tricky as the person making the threats might not respond well to your actions, but it is their threat that has put you between two rocks and a hard spot and they do not have the right to take that responsibility.
- Do not ignore threats to your safety or property, or your family or friends. Especially if there’s a history of abuse in the relationship or you are aware of previous complaints/convictions for stalking and abusive behavior. Do not try to be the exception. Don’t ignore their threats. Keep track of all your activities and contact local law enforcement. You might be the first to discover that they are not the only ones.
- A restraining order can be applied if you are afraid to leave your house or have a lot of anxiety about possible threats. Sometimes, it is the wake-up call that someone needs. This order should not be broken by you. Respecting it is crucial in helping abuse to get taken seriously. It could also give your ex leverage, which could lead to this whole mess being twisted around.
- It’s not about them; it’s about their thoughts and feelings being displaced. You have violated the No Contact Rule. They must deal with this loss, which can bring up unpleasant feelings from past experiences. While it is understandable to keep an eye on them, you can’t restart the relationship or try to save them or control their threats. You’re not that strong. You are not doing anything wrong by keeping the distance or ending the relationship. These threats only serve to highlight how important this decision was and still is. This is a very toxic situation. This treatment is not appropriate, regardless of what happened in the relationship.
- These threats can’t be dealt with alone. There is nothing to be ashamed about and it is not worth keeping these threats secret. These situations are very distressing and you should talk to your family members and friends. You can gain some perspective by talking about it and seeking out help.
- This situation may be similar to an event in the past. If the person’s behavior is bringing up an old wound such as not being capable of stopping a parent from doing something harmful or being blamed for their boundaries violations, it is crucial to distinguish between the two experiences. Professional support is also an option to help you put the past traumas behind you.
- You will eventually feel as if you don’t have any life left if you let this person run your life. Love is not intimidation or guilt.
