It is so difficult to break up because it feels like no one understands. Fortunately, there are many people who understand exactly how you feel. I am one of them! One of those feelings is the desire to be together again. While there are many ways to get back together, consider simply getting over the breakup. But if you decided you want your ex back then continue reading.
First, stop begging or crying for him/her to be taken back. You have to agree that in this state your judgment is compromised and ordinarily you wouldn’t act this way. Poor judgment will lead to poor outcomes, so promise yourself to get together and act in your best interest REGARDLESS if you two will be back together or not.
Think this way, this behavior makes you look ‘devalued’ in their eyes. You lose a piece of yourself when you beg your ex-partner to return. You are decreasing your self-worth, your value and showing that you don’t care as much about what the other person wants, which is to break up with you. Respect that.
In addition, although you may not realize it, you are putting yourself down. This will affect your self-esteem and your perception of yourself. This is a sign that you are willing to lower your standards just to maintain your relationship with them. In this mental and emotional state, you’re likely to be taken advantage of or even being abused. In the end, most likely, you won’t get what you so desperately want right now.
First tell yourself that you will (at least for the time being, stop crying and pleading) and cut off any contact with that person and give yourself time and space to bring yourself up. How to cut off the contact it read in the No Contact Rule section.
To win your ex back, you’ll want to reduce (or as mentioned before, go no contact) one-on-one communication. Just as you need space to gather your thoughts and feelings, your ex needs it too. So give him/her an opportunity to ‘miss’ you by having some time apart.
Just like you, they can feel ‘lost’ when you are not around. Your absence inevitably will make them think of you, so it’s a good time to think of yourself rather than continually knocking on your ex’s door. You want your ex to be receptive to you, and your best bet for it, is to leave them alone.
The number three tip for winning your ex back is to think and act like the person who moved on. Brainstorm, what you would do, or would want to do if you were happy and single? If the breakup is recent, then feeling sad is perfectly normal, so take some time for it. However, don’t allow it to disable you from doing things you ordinarily would want to do.
In fact, make an effort to come up with NEW activities you could preoccupy yourself with. The keyword is new because new activity puts you in an unfamiliar situation and it will force you to think and feel differently. For example sadness, or self-pity. In addition, your self-esteem will go up and you’ll feel good about it. Take that class you’ve been thinking about, it will do good for you.
Number four is to be who you are. You were attracted to one another for a reason. So, compromising yourself is not a way to get back to a relationship. If you catch yourself doing things (or being done to you) that inside feel sub-standard you need to take a step back from it.
Ask yourself, pursuing your ex in this way, is it a genuine me and who I am? After the breakup, it is easy to steer off your normal self, so maintaining your balance is very important.
Accepting the reason for the breakup should be number five. To accept the reason is to accept the breakup and this is a good thing. Now, what can you do about it?
If the reason you’re thinking about is another person’s doing, then certainly this is out of your control. However, if this is about you, then first you need to decide whether that reason is something you want to change in yourself, and if you do then you can choose to try to fix it.
On the other hand, you find that this reason is a valuable trait, then getting back to the person who doesn’t value it is not a wise thing to do. The relationship simply won’t work, it hasn’t, and no amount of trickery can fix it.
Six, if you feel level-headed, and have not had any contact with your ex for a while, you might now consider setting up a meeting to just talk.
Keep the conversation light and friendly, not too serious. Talk about the good times and keep it casual. Don’t talk about the negative stuff. Also, don’t try to point fingers or deny any wrongdoing. This step is crucial because of your attitude, how you conduct yourself. You really don’t want your ex to go in defense or attack. And if he/she does, then think how much of it is your doing.
Getting back together is the motive, yes, however at this point you’ll have to address the breakup reason talked about in step 5. Since you decided to work on yourself pertaining to that reason, you can go ahead and share it with them. Tell them what steps you took and how it is going.
Important: Don’t expect a particular response or outcome from them. After all, you decided to work on it because it serves you first and utmost.
Imagine, you’re a bird of paradise trying to seduce a mate, and your dance is to reveal the steps you’re taking to correct the reason for the breakup. You’re only presenting it as a “by-the-way” thing. The “bird mate” might not be as convinced or trusting you as you’ve hoped for. Nonetheless, accept it and trust that you’ll continue improving yourself.
Nobody can tell if or when they’ll let you back into their lives. But when a situation or an opportunity arises, to prove your efforts for a change, you’re the most important witness.
To win your ex back, number eight is to be kind and courteous with them whenever you see them. Don’t get into fights, glare, or accuse. Do not accuse. Keep your head up, smile, and bear it…no matter how difficult it is. It’s possible to be polite but still not interested in your ex. Nothing drives an ex crazy more than believing that he/she isn’t important to you at all. This is how they will want you back, and sometimes it’s the best way to get them to love you.
Number nine requires you to be strong and to know yourself. It is amazing to me how out of touch people can be with themselves. People who don’t know themselves will attach to others and then become disillusioned when that person leaves them. If you identify yourself with another person, you can lose your identity if the relationship ends. This is a time to get to know yourself.
Flexibility is number ten on the list of getting back together. You were part of the breakup so you’ll have to adjust. Be a bit more accepting of the situation and less demanding.
The number eleven tip to win your ex-boyfriend back is to get on with your life. If you remain stuck in the past, it will make it difficult for you to be seen as a reformed person. This could result in losing the chance of a new start of a relationship. If your ex can be persuaded to give you another chance, they want to see you as a person who made or is making the changes to better themselves.
Give him reasons to be with you. Your life and yourself should be amazing! You will show them how much of a catch they have lost. This means knowing how to regain your attraction. A breakup with someone is a sign that they have lost their attraction to them. Most people who “dump” someone focus their energy on the person’s faults and flaws, which leads to a loss of attraction that just gets worse.
You will need to find something that makes you happy, such as a new job, hobby, or lifestyle. They will see a happy person and may wish to get back. Studies after studies have shown that happy, joyful partners are more likely to end up together. Do something that makes you happy and cheery.
Do go out on dates and meet people. Meeting and talking to somebody new will give you a better perspective on your ex. You may even find somebody you really like. If your ex found out about your open season, they may naturally feel jealous and initiate a conversation.
Do not IM, text, email, or write to your ex. When it comes to making your ex miss and want to be with you again, the ‘no contact‘ is better than ‘best contact’. You are more valuable to them if they wonder what you’re up to.
The Breakup’s Worst Case Scenario
Some relationship breakups are more serious and require a bolder and bigger plan to reunite.
Sometimes, relationships cannot be saved, while other times they can. The wise thing to know is the difference. But our hearts can have a very ‘overriding effect’ on our brains. It can be very, very overwhelming! Sometimes love is lacking common sense and we take a ‘black-and-white’ approach.
If you are certain that your relationship is over, you can accept it as a gift. Be thankful for the moments you shared together, then move on.
The most painful thing about a split is the feeling of complete loneliness. Even when our friends and family surround us with love, support, and care. Even at a large party, or even in the middle of a traffic jam, packed mall, or packed conference room.
It is this aloneness that wakes you up in the middle of the night and welcomes you with the dawn light. Follows you home at the end of each day and escorts you to work. A good support group can help you stay strong and encourage you when you start to feel weak.
While breaking up with someone you love can cause all sorts of negative emotions, it can also lead to a lot of pain. Breaking up from a narcissist could create its own unique kind of pain. You may feel insane if you are completely cut off from your loved ones.
It’s as if the relationship never existed. …. It seems like they changed from loving you to loathing you, and then to not even remember you at all. They can be cruel, heartless, apathetic, lacking empathy, or even loveless.
This sudden loss of appeal can be very hurtful. To make matters worse, your ex-partner may trash your character to others. These actors are so skilled at convincing people to believe anything about them. They can make even the most intelligent people hate you, and even turn your family, friends, and long-lasting relationships against you.
Most of us find it very difficult and emotionally draining to be rejected by someone we have feelings for. You will get through it, come out of this experience a better person, and be able to look back on how much you have learned from it.
Through it all, however, we learn, improve and become somehow “better”. It’s a bit like being in a cocoon. We emerge from an unwelcoming, barren place a beautiful, new butterfly. You are more alive than ever, and more beautiful. We end up being grateful for the chance had.
I wish you all the best and I appreciate your time. Keep in mind that all things can be achieved with faith and hope.